I guess the question I get asked most being a comedian is: “What is it like to host Spicks and Specks?”

When I politely point to my thonged foot and explain that they may have me confused with someone else, the question that normally follows is: “No but seriously though, what are Alan and Myf really like?”

Suddenly I have a brief insight into what The Hulk meant when he said: “Don’t make me angry. You’re not going to like me when I am angry!”

But before I end up half naked wearing only torn purple shorts, I tend to take a deep breath and explain that Alan and Myf are both talented and delightful, in fact qualities I would also ascribe to Adam Hills… the bloke who actually hosts Spicks and Specks.

Normally this is followed by some embarrassed foot-shuffling (which I tend to think is bad taste, I mean don’t rub it in) and then a muffled: “So… I guess you can’t get me Hamish Blake’s mobile number then?”

But I digress.

My point, and I think I have one, is that the most common thing people are fascinated by when it comes to comedy is where the material comes from?

Do comedians just walk around with a notebook waiting for funny things to happen?

Are they constantly taking flights just so they can make observations about the quality of the in-flight meals? Are they lingering suspiciously in places where cats and dogs meet to ascertain if there are any discernable differences? Are they walking into bars with a horse and waiting for the hilarity to ensue?

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me at the start of a tour how I put a new show together, I would have… a reasonable amount of money.

I mean not enough money to buy anything really extravagant like a gold car or a fur house, but certainly enough that it would be annoying to keep in my pockets, and I would need to put it in a jar near the door and use it for parking and stuff like that.

Where was I? Oh yeah, questions.

Do you sit down with a plan of what you want to write? How much do you improvise? Do you hope something funny does actually happen to you on the way to the gig? 

Do you test the material on your friends? Or do you just lock yourself in a room with some Christmas bon-bons, David Koch’s Big Aussie Joke Book and a bottle of vodka and see what happens? Are you sure you can’t get me Hamish Blake’s number?

All the questions got me thinking: a) Why don’t I have Hamish Blake’s mobile number? And more importantly b) Maybe I should make a doco series that followed by Wilful Misconduct tour from start to finish.

I excitedly rang my manager the next day with my master plan, only to be told that it was a stupid idea and if I really wanted to be back on TV the best bet I had was to start eating pies and bulking up for the next series of The Biggest Loser.

“Well it doesn’t need to be on the tele,” I explained. “I was just thinking maybe a series we could film through the tour to give people the feel of what the process is like, at least for me, to put together a new show.”

“Uh-huh,” my manager replied, “on one hand that does seem like a good idea, but on the other hand… pies!”

I chose to ignore him and barrel on: “Plus people have been pretty good supporting my career buying tickets to my shows and my books and DVDs, it would be good to give them something fun for free.”

I believe it was around this stage I started patting myself on the back so hard I dropped my phone.

“Okay,” he said clearly deciding the best way to get rid of me was to feign some interest “What exactly were you thinking?”

“Well,” I said, suddenly realizing I hadn’t thought it that far through, “how about we get a film crew and get them to tape a bunch of my trial gigs when I am working out material, show people the raw stuff, when it works and most importantly when it doesn’t… and then we take them with us on the road and they can film the show being put together and follow the process!”

“Okay,” he said, “that will cost about this much.”

He then proceeded to name an amount of money that if I were a contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire I would have to answer at least six questions correctly to win.

“Do you have that amount of money?”

I thought about checking down the back of the couch, but I knew it would not only be futile, but my manager would want fifteen percent of anything I found down there.

I hadn’t worked in a couple of months, and didn’t have anything coming up soon. To be honest I was only a month or two away from standing in the mall with a cardboard sign that said: “Will Tell Jokes For Food!”

I was about to suggest that maybe it would be more cost effective to make a flipbook of the tour instead, when at the other end of the line my manager offered some hope.

“Leave it with me,” he said. “Maybe we can find someone who is willing to help us pay for it.”

And, as much to my surprise as anyone’s, it turned out there was. (And even more surprisingly it doesn’t involve me having notes shoved into my g-string.)

Not only were the fine folk at Cool Ridge willing to pay for us to make TEN webisodes that will follow my entire Wilful Misconduct tour, but they have also gone a step further and stumped up for a bunch of show tickets to give away (and some more cool things I am not allowed to talk about yet) as well.

Plus they also sent me some free Cool Ridge water, which was nice of them. I drank some and I sent the other half to my Dad who is a farmer who is going to use some of it to feed the cows during the drought and the rest to fight bushfires.

Anyhoo, I should shut up so you can go to http://www.getitout.com.au/ and check out the first episode.

Just to give you some background, it was filmed about six weeks ago now on a Thursday night, at local comedy room the Mic-In-Hand at Vibe (Smith Street in Melbourne) on the first night I tried any of the material I was thinking about for the show.

It features a chat backstage with Justin Hamilton and Lehmo, a rather awkward confrontation with a heckler, and even the beginnings of a piece of material that actually made it into the final show.

I hope it gives you a few laughs, I hope it has a few insights into how painful it is at the start of a new show, but mostly I just hope that Hamish Blake sees it and gives me his mobile phone number. Now that would be cool.